“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Ephesians 4:29 NLT

Early on in my role as Executive Director of Warm Beach Camp Ministries (nearly 30 years ago now), I would use foul language as a form of humor. At the time, I thought it quite clever to surprise people in a conversation with a “crass word zinger.” Often, it would draw a laugh or two. I look back on that now, recognizing it as reckless and immature on my part.

On my 35th birthday, we had a staff retreat at The Firs Chalet near the Mt. Baker Ski Area in Washington. The staff presented me with a list of 35 things they appreciated about me. It was so good and helpful to me. The 35th reason cut to my heart: “and too many other *!#*!#*!#* to list!” Everyone laughed when it was read. I went to my room, got down on my knees, and asked God to help me with all my words, not just some of them. At the next devotional on that retreat, I asked everyone there for forgiveness for my crass language. It wasn’t something to justify, nor was it something that should be celebrated or elevated in our ministry together. All of our words are meant to be good and helpful. The Holy Spirit will help us with this. Our friends and family can help us if we invite them to.

“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Ephesians 4:29 NLT

The Apostle Paul wrote the verse above from his imprisonment in Rome to the followers of Christ in Ephesus. He feels so clear about what he is saying that he is begging anyone who reads this to take this seriously:

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.” Ephesians 4:1 NLT.

Paul continues with guidance on how to lead a worthy life in Christ: “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 NLT.
His words continue with a challenge in how we live and work together: “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” Ephesians 4:3 NLT.As Paul’s guidance continues, we get to the matter of the words we use. He couldn’t be clearer about what to stop doing and what to focus on moving forward:

• Stop using foul and abusive language. Please don’t look to our culture for any help here.

Crass, crude, rude, abusive, and toxic have become language norms woven through all of our communication with each other. Media feeds celebrate how we “take each other out” with reckless attacks on character. Many followers of Christ have come to normalize this in our thinking and speech. This is not what God has called us to speak, text, post, message, or say.

Foul language is quite easy to name. Most of us have a sense of what this is. My parents were clear with me growing up about the specifics of foul language. If I crossed the foul language line, I got my mouth washed out with soap. Abusive language is more difficult for this reason: Often, good words are weaponized when combined with anger, bitterness, or rage. This is abusive, toxic, and harmful to people.

• Let everything we say be good and helpful: This is the growing focus and purpose of all the words we use as followers of Christ. Paul is giving us an extremely high standard to which we can aspire. With the help of the Holy Spirit and the accountability of good friends, we can grow into this by asking two simple questions:
  • Is what I just said helpful?
  • Is what I just said good?

When your words become good and helpful, there is something wonderful that happens: “Your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

I would like to invite you to fill this out with as many people who come to mind when you read it:
When my words are good and helpful, I encourage _______________________ (individual names of people who regularly listen to the words you use).

Ed McDowell, C.E.O.
Warm Beach Camp Ministries